man, despondent, old, age, retirement, life

Taboo #2 Boredom

Retirement and boredom – the last taboo?

Retirement is often portrayed as a thirty-year holiday, free from the shackles and restrictions of work. But if you enjoyed working and the sense of purpose and structure it provided, you may find you are surprised to find you are actually bored without it!

A study has shown that the joy of retirement wears off just ten months after quitting work. Days free from the stress of commuting, pressure of work and having to answer to a boss start to become boring early on in retirement. Instead, new pensioners face endless daytime television, the likelihood of putting on weight because they have stopped being active and the prospect of continual bickering at home as they find themselves spending more time than ever before with wives or husbands. The downside of retirement is felt by more than half of those who have recently stood down from their jobs and the end of early retirement and the likelihood of having to work on into what was once old age may for many people be a boon rather than a loss. ( See the 100 year life – 100 Year Life.)

Top reasons retirees get disillusioned are:-

  1. I missed the camaraderie I had at work.

..and you hated the boss and couldn’t get away fast enough from your co-workers – I suggest this as you don’t seem to have made much effort to keep up with them, have you? You know where they hang out after work, go join them or better still give them a reason to be jealous of your TOYL whist they TOIL!! However maybe it’s time to make new friends and comrades. The bridge Club, Book Group and Darts team or pub quiz team may or may not be your thing – but believe me your ‘thing’ IS out there albeit hiding! How about camaraderie AND getting fit? Try volunteering for or participating in ParkRun every Saturday morning at 9am? ParkRun or if your mind needs stimulating try an Exploring What Matters Course run by Action for Happiness who also run great lectures / seminars. Action for Happiness. Mind and Body – Friends and Comrades – I’ve run over 150 5K ParkRuns and made many friends, I’ve also attended the AfH course and then helped to run two others – the groups continue to meet and stay in touch! (See No.79 of the 101 things to try!)

  1. The novelty of not working wore off.

Preferably find some novelties BEFORE retiring – Remember this is the Time Of Your Life TOYLing like anything else needs practice and best start early. Those that expect retirement to show you the way are often hugely disappointed. Taking up golf might be a great idea that will fill endless days but what if it turns out not to be your thing? Even keen golfers don’t want to play 24/7! Test out a few things, dace classes, language apps, book groups – even if you can’t make the full commitment whilst working at least you’ll have a flavour and an idea as to whether this is something you want to pursue.

  1. I was bored.

My exceedingly busy better half retorted to our children’s protestations of “I’m bored” with “Oh great, I aspire to boredom, I just haven’t found the time yet!” – When the time is there it will need filling and daytime TV surely isn’t the answer whatever the question! I’ve often suggested to those who are depressed that the time to deal with this is when they are feeling a bit better and can be a bit more proactive. First get a large box. Next go to the book shelves and pick out 3 of your favourite books and another you’ve not got around to reading yet. Make a list of your favourite movies and the names and telephone numbers of the 5 or 10 best friends or family members. Create a ‘to-do’ list – all the things you’ve enjoyed in the past but not had time for – not necessarily putting those shelves up but some practical things getting done may encourage the DIY master within you – Getting it done AND relieving the boredom – everyone’s a winner! Music is a great healer – I bet you’ve a pile of old LPs or CDs you haven’t listened to all the way through for a while but were always the go-to when you were younger. So, when you are feeling low and bored go to the box and play tombola – pick out a book, put the music on, phone a friend or look down the ‘to-do’ list and plan the movie double bill – Sorted – What’s not to like? Nothing by definition!

  1. My mind wasn’t being pushed.

OK – Easy-Peasy – You want ‘pushed’? – Be careful for what you wish for, this might have been the reason for retiring – too much push, but now you control the push and pull if necessary! Study for a degree (in anything you wish), Learn to speak a language fluently, write a novel or read all the “classics”, learn an instrument (see 4 Music Myths- Get Playing! & MUSIC – Exercise for the brain!) – It’s all there waiting for you.

  1. I didn’t have as much disposable income as I thought.

Financial planning – See my ‘FIRE’ blog and see a financial advisor. (Also Taboo 3 – Money.)  “I wouldn’t start from here if I were you!” may well be the most unhelpful retort to those requiring direction in this area but none the less true. Frugality is a dish best avoided but making the choice is far better than being forced into a desperate situation. The FIRE blog and links may help point you in a direction albeit at the opposite end of path to financial freedom. Please seek advice early.

  1. The glow just wears off because you get used to it.

Just as our dream of spending all day every day on the Caribbean island beach will pale after a few weeks, or in my case a few days, the ‘glow’ of retirement will fade if it is not sustainable. It might be best to change the dream scenario to something more realistic. It’s NOT about money –  Psychoanalyst Manfred Kets de Vries is a therapist treating the angst of the super-rich. “Pretty soon, to attain the same buzz they have to spend more money. All the spending is a mad attempt to cover up boredom and depression”. The poor dears have “Wealth Fatigue Syndrome (WFS). “When money is available in near-limitless quantities, the ‘victim’ sinks into a kind of inertia. Feeling any sort of excitement means taking more and more risks, financially and physically.” – Passion is the route to rediscovering your ‘glow’ – bad luck if that’s Formula One or race horses, however look back to the simple things you used to enjoy – long walks and time with friends cost nothing.

  1. When everyday ended being the same as the day before.

This is in YOUR control – why not stick to the routines of having a weekend etc, although this could be any days of the week you choose! I suggest getting a diary – electronic or analogue it matters not – and start putting in simple activities, tasks, projects etc. 9am – Walk to shop and buy paper. Call Tom, Find out about xyz, Do the language app etc. NEVER be faced with I don’t have anything to do. Try not to be faced with the question “What do you want to do today?” because in the past when you were very busy you were good at doing “Whatever I want!” and “When I want to!” which may often have led to ‘nothing’, R & R, TV etc. which was fine for an hour or three but not for all time!

  1. I didn’t have many friends who had retired.

Well find some! – see 10! Just like the perception of age in the elderly where many perceive themselves not to be as ‘old’ as their contemporaries – you are only as old as you feel, those in poor health may well feel ‘older’,

You won’t find the new friends you would like to make who have retired sitting on street corners waiting for you to come along and befriend them. No, they are out and about and doing stuff and that’s where you’ll find them, in that hidden worlds you’ve never stumbled across whilst doing the 9 to 5. The museum lectures in the middle of the day, Bridge Clubs, Cookery Classes, Book Clubs (start one), Coffee mornings – host one! Etc. It’s all out there and the local library might be a good place to start. There are also local internet sites such as NextDoor which by their nature of being local will be a place to find or reach out for similar like-minded people without having to go to the ends of the earth.

  1. The nice weather ended, and I had spent more time indoors.

Really?! – Are you like those who won’t swim in an outdoor pool because it’s raining? Redescover the ‘boy scout’ in you and be prepared! Get some wet weather gear and get out there – you’ll meet others who have the same idea even if it’s finding refuge in the pub and if you’re British you’ll always have the weather to talk about!

  1. I was lonely.

Patch Adams once told me “Reach out and you’ll never be lonely” – so true. Revisit your old ‘chat-up’ lines and ice-breakers – Have a few, preferably original opening gambits. ‘” Do you come here often?” might have to be a fall back! The ‘trick’ is to be ready and not tongue tied – It might have been a while since you had to start a conversation in the real world, work can be so different!

Andrew Neligan of Neligan Finance came up with these 101 in 45 minutes, there are other lists and if you don’t like this one make up your own! Some require money, some don’t. Some require travel, some can be done from home. Some are indulgences, some are altruistic, but there is something for everyone regardless of gender, background, ability or financial means.

  1. Study for a degree (in anything you wish)
  2. Learn to speak a language fluently
  3. Write a novel
  4. Read all the “classics”
  5. Volunteer in a Charity shop
  6. Teach English overseas
  7. Help dig wells/build schools/hospitals overseas
  8. Volunteer on conservation projects overseas
  9. Cycle a country (continent!)
  10. Learn an instrument to grade 8 level
  11. Visit all the football grounds in the UK
  12. Visit the world’s iconic stadia
  13. Eat in the world’s top restaurants
  14. Paint your ‘master piece’
  15. Teach school leavers your skills
  16. Become a bird watcher/astronomer
  17. Write a screen play
  18. Sail around the Greek Islands
  19. Swim with Orca
  20. Watch the great African migration
  21. Create a wild life haven in your garden
  22. Create a video series of your skills and experiences for the benefit of others
  23. Travel around the British Coastline
  24. Drive Route 66
  25. Go on a cattle drive with cowboys
  26. Visit all the wonders of the world
  27. Learn to scuba dive
  28. Be an extra in a film
  29. Visit the North & South Poles
  30. Trek the Himalayas
  31. Trek the Amazon
  32. Sky Dive
  33. Bungy jump the world’s highest jump
  34. Make a random act of kindness every day.
  35. Learn about the solar system
  36. Start Yoga
  37. Walk the great walks of the UK
  38. Keep a bird of prey
  39. Drive a motorhome around Europe
  40. Cruise the world
  41. See the Northern Lights
  42. Do a shark cage dive.
  43. Become an expert in wine
  44. Grow your own fruit and veg
  45. Watch every West End show (or Broadway show)
  46. Study the life and times of an icon (past or present).
  47. Learn how to save a life
  48. Restore a classic car
  49. Join a book club
  50. Build a scale model of something
  51. Build a model railway in your attic
  52. Get your golf handicap as low as possible
  53. Teach your grandchildren a new skill
  54. Learn to cook
  55. Learn to fly
  56. Write your memoirs
  57. Learn computer code
  58. Cross the Atlantic in a tall ship
  59. Run a marathon
  60. Complete a triathlon
  61. Learn to sing
  62. Join a choir or band
  63. Become a church minister
  64. Learn about the world’s religions
  65. Study politics
  66. Learn economics
  67. Study philosophy
  68. Build a house
  69. Learn to sail
  70. Write a book of poems
  71. Spend time in a monastery
  72. Become a landscape/portrait/animal… photographer & publish your work
  73. Produce your own beer
  74. Learn to play chess
  75. Become an ebay seller
  76. Write a children’s book
  77. Become a cartoonist
  78. Write a travel journal
  79. Start a blog about your retirement experiences – been there, doing that!
  80. Start ball room dancing
  81. Learn to play poker
  82. Become a tour guide
  83. Volunteer for your local wildlife trust
  84. Watch your favourite team home and away for a season (or more)
  85. Volunteer for your local political party
  86. Learn graphic design
  87. Make soft toys for disadvantaged children around the world
  88. Take up carpentry
  89. Study the Bible
  90. Swim with dolphins
  91. Take other people’s dogs for a walk
  92. Become a companion for someone who is lonely
  93. Become a counsellor
  94. Learn public speaking
  95. Start a social enterprise business
  96. Start a for profit business
  97. Make and sell your own cakes/jams/preservatives
  98. Visit the world’s holy places
  99. Study a period of history
  100. Become an actor
  101. Learn mindfulness

What would you add to this?

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